woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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