There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
