what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
