Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
