i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she smelled like a LAN party
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
