She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize