I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
