ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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