Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
