You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize