I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
