have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
