i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
