I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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