You're so nebulous sometimes
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
