He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
