They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
