Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
