I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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