i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
