one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
third nipple confirmed
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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