Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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