i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
