I wish they made helmets for livers.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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