dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Need sex. Gaining weight.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
