happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Even my vagina gasped.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
