I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
