I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Found your dick twin last night
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
