The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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