my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
