just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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