so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
