And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This house was built for laser tag.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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