i just had sex bonerless
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
