I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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