she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
