Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
