I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
