I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize