Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
