peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
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