he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
