Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
