I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
