You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
