ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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