So drunk its hurt
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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