I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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