he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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