there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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