I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
