I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
