I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Randomize
