it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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