I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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