just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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