Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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