Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
