i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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