Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
