Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
