That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
