Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
