Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I AM VODKA MAN
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
