I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
