he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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