I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
