problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
