Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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